He Said, She Said

My whining about Hubby going out of town really doesn't have anything to do with me not being able to handle being alone. It has more to do with the fact that I like Hubby here. He spoils me. Let's not forget, because Hubby certainly reminded me enough times before he left, that I was single for a few years and managed just fine. You betcha I managed. I lived in a double-wide, out in the country, surrounded by trees, brush and wild animals and never once broke a leg or twisted an ankle running from my truck in the driveway, up the stairs, to the front door at break neck speed, grabbing my purse and whatever bags I had to carry while waving my arms frantically to set off the motion sensor on the porch light, while shoving my key into the door and pushing it open with my shoulder. So what that maybe once or twice I got tangled up with Boy while trying to be first up the stairs to reach the glow of the porch light. He was young. He bounced back. And I always helped him up.

All of this to say, Hubby is still gone and we have had some doozie conversations and texts staying in touch. He's in Idabel/Texarkana. I'll let you make up your mind about the quality of conversations and experiences he is having.

Hubby: I'm having so much fun. (Insert sarcasm. Hard to hear in a text, but trust me, it's there)

Me: Take ten deep breaths and a swig of whiskey. Go smoke a cigarette if you have to. (Note: Hubby doesn't smoke)

Hubby: My favorite Whataburger server on this trip was named La Princess and I have visited all of the Texarkana locations.

Me: Hello, your name is Hubby and you are a Whataburger-a-holic.

Hubby: Sweet tea has a distinctly unique taste depending on which side of State Line Avenue you are on. (Texas or Arkansas)

Me: Um, gross but thanks for sharing.

Hubby: Her (pseudo-relative's) crazy friends showed up. Lord help me. May kill (insert name of pseudo-relative that shall remain nameless).

Me: Drink more whiskey.

Hubby: She (nameless pseudo-relative) is like a squirrel gathering nuts in a tornado...you know it seems like a good idea at the time what with the trees being uprooted and the future food source being in danger, but damn the winds kind of blow the nuts all around making the gathering process a bitch and really... why would you gather nuts in a tornado? Use some common sense and wait until the rotation stops spinning over your head!!!

Me: Common sense is not common.

Hubby: I have changed hotels for tonight. I'll be spending more than $42 on a room this time.

Me: Uh, what seemed to be the problem? (this would cut into my boot budget, you see)

Hubby: I had to put the shower handle back on before the water would come out.

Me: crickets chirping (I have no idea what to say because I would have never lasted 10 minutes in a $42 hotel room.)

This list could go on and on. He has made a trip to the "Plumbing Store" and 2 trips to Mal Wart trying to get things lined up today in order to return home tomorrow. All of which required phone calls to me to "vent". The upside is that it looks like we have an ETA of tomorrow afternoon, at which time he will arrive at his job just in time to chaperon a middle school dance. I am very excited to be his date. Trust me, we can dance and the kids love to see Mr. Hubby scooting a boot across the gym floor. I'd invite y'all to come and join us, but you have to have a student ID, no discipline problems, and be passing all of your classes for the semester. I only get in because I married the boss, otherwise I would be 0 for 3.

PS- Check out all the stuff to the right of these ramblings. I have made some changes as I am still working on the design and personality of my blog. Suggestions welcome!