That's what friends are for...

“When a friend is in trouble, don’t just ask if there is anything you can do.  Think of something appropriate and do it.” –Edgar Watson Howe

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you…How many times have you uttered that phrase to someone who is going through a rough time, lost a loved one, or who is in the hospital or has a family member in the hospital?  It would take many more fingers and toes than I have to count the number of times I have said that.  The problem is not that I said it, but did I really mean it?  It’s like the phrase, “I’ll be praying for you”.  Do we really stop and pray?  Or do we make the remark and move forward with our day? Taking care of our business. Focussing on our issues and to-do lists. Never giving another thought to the situation or person we promised to reach out for.

I have been guilty of doing those things for so long, but it just takes putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to give you perspective.  Obviously with Dad’s diagnoses our family has heard these phrases many times.  Mom has been blessed with friends who have sat with her at the hospital, giving her a break from the monotony day after day looking at the same 4 walls.  Her neighbors have watched the house, collected the paper and mail, brought over a meal.  My sister has friends that visited her and Dad at the hospital and brought her parking passes to ease the cost of the parking garage.  My friends rallied on Dad’s birthday and sent emails to the hospital with “Birthday Wishes”. I have several friends that have sent random texts throughout Dad’s treatments just to let me know they are thinking of me.   These are small things and they matter.  My mother has always been an example to Julie and myself on what care, compassion and thoughtfulness looks like.  We have witnessed her taking hospital bound patients and their families goodie bags of snacks, cards, Kleenexes (the good kind, the ones at the hospital are like sandpaper), Word Find books, a roll of quarters for the vending machines, etc... In turn, Julie and I have prepared bags for our respective friends in like situations, sent cards and flowers, etc…   And even though I know I have done my best to be there for friends in need, I can’t help think of all the times I uttered the phrase “let me know if there is anything I can do for you,” without actually doing anything.   Each day is a learning experience.  I am not going to beat myself up over the past.  I am going to move forward.  I am going to continue to count each day as a gift.  A gift of time with friends.  A gift of time with family.  And a gift of time to be a friend and find something to do to let them know they are loved and thought of when things are tough. Or even better, loved and thought of just because.   So matter how busy I am or how caught up in my world I find myself, I am going to remember this quote…”True friendship is not about being there when it’s convenient.  It’s about being there when it’s not.”