Baby steps…

Trying to re-enter the world after a loss is hard.  Your heart is broken.  You wonder how people can continue on when it takes all of your energy just to breathe.  You are constantly bombarded by thoughts, memories, reminders of things that will never be.  Put those things on top of the holidays and a birthday and it really is a kick in the gut that you have to endure every day.  Mom only gave us one “rule” about grieving and that was that we couldn’t crawl in bed, pull the covers over our head, and stay for a week, maybe two or even a month.  Daggum it. Because that is exactly what I want to do.  In fact, I am pretty sure that is exactly what we would all like to do.

So far, I have managed to go to work.  I have managed some outings with the family.  But more than that and I can’t do it.  Mom and Julie are my security blankets.  I can go out shopping, out to eat, out to a Christmas program, or even Holiday in the Park. But not without one of them being along.  Not that I did a ton of things without them to begin with.  But right now they are the only reasons I leave my house, besides work.  Sure, sure, people are quick to share that time will make it easier.  I am sure it will.  But right now, it’s 4 days after what would have been my Dad’s 73 birthday and 14 days until Christmas and it ain’t easy. 

Saturday, despite an agonizingly painful sinus headache, I put my big-girl drawers on and headed to Six Flags.  Bro-in-law organized getting all of us Combo passes and if we processed before the end of the year, everyone would get Parking and Gold upgrade on their pass.  Boy had taken his ACT that morning and was going to meet us out there.  He beat us to the park but then we beat him through the parking booths.  It was a gorgeous day and if it wasn’t for the headache, I would have had a great time. 

 We did shows.  They are not Broadway, but they are cute. 

This was the "70 Christmas Trees" show up at the front gate.
 The lights were set to music and was pretty jazzy.

  We did the Snow Hill and it was fun.  Not Colorado fun. But fun. 



It was a small hill.  But it was worth the short wait in line.



 We did Funnel Cakes.  I could have had two. By myself.  Next time I am adding chocolate.

Boy and I shared this plate.  It was not near enough for me!

  We did the “antique cars”.  Hunter was our chauffer.  Either I am bigger or those cars got smaller.  Hmmm. That’s a no-brainer.

Juju is a serial photo-bomber.  Go to Too Tall's facebook page and his profile
picture is from Mt Nebo and you can find Juju just above his shoulder.  We love her!

As a reward for getting out and about on Saturday and to try and get over the killer headache, I broke Mom’s rule. Sort of.  Sunday was a ‘day in bed’.  Snuggled under the covers.  We didn’t have any sinus medicine other than Nyquil Sinus Nighttime. So I took it.  At 10:00AM.  The sleep was nice.  Not dealing with the world was nice.  Hubby checking on me all day and bringing me food and drink in bed was nice.   Knowing that I couldn’t just stay in bed. Not so nice.  But I am trying.  It takes time, right?  Baby steps it is.